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And As I Awoke

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(oil pastel, soft pastel and triplus fineliner on paper)

And as I awoke, I came to this place....

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Nearly gone

The light of today is nearly gone, though a last bright glimmer remains. Time to reflect. Time to atone. Atone: For all the wrongs I've done in these brief few hours since I woke (losing my temper, shouting at the kids before school.....and the rest...) - and then the wrongs I've done to myself - (working straight through lunch, beating myself up over all the things I haven't finished.... and the rest....) And reflect; - how strange that all the technology is responding to the stress and strain in the air around us. Strange technology glitches all around for the last few days. Things inexplicably not working. Bizarre delays and the disappearance of functions. Big thanks to the man who listened to my complaint, brought up a big bag of goodies to the house "for my trouble". Big thanks to a world that is throwing work my way, notwithstanding the challenges it brings. The last glimmer of day is gone now. All dark. Time to rest. Time to repair.

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Tonight, I'm wearing that old grey jumper, and thinking about friendship, and about the ways we wound one another, without meaning to, and how the one who seemed so close that distance seemed unimaginable, seems now to be on the other side of the moon, and me, forlornly standing at the ocean's edge, looking out into vastness of distance. I wrap the soft cloth tighter; a semblance of holding, while the parade of necessary feelings makes its way through my town. With no intention of wounding, not me, not you, yet somehow still it happened. And now, instead of that rock solid place, we're walking on quicksands. And friendship hangs in the balance. Easy to pull up the drawbridge and just turn away. Defensive pretences. The old words slip into place; "it doesn't matter. It doesn't" Wrap the grey fabric tighter. Remember. What's torn asunder does not reduce the cloth to ash. Wrap myself tight. Remember. What's real stays real, even if it isn't here ...

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