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Oh how I wish that

May 17, 2013

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I could come back as a flower

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Nearly gone

The light of today is nearly gone, though a last bright glimmer remains. Time to reflect. Time to atone. Atone: For all the wrongs I've done in these brief few hours since I woke (losing my temper, shouting at the kids before school.....and the rest...) - and then the wrongs I've done to myself - (working straight through lunch, beating myself up over all the things I haven't finished.... and the rest....) And reflect; - how strange that all the technology is responding to the stress and strain in the air around us. Strange technology glitches all around for the last few days. Things inexplicably not working. Bizarre delays and the disappearance of functions. Big thanks to the man who listened to my complaint, brought up a big bag of goodies to the house "for my trouble". Big thanks to a world that is throwing work my way, notwithstanding the challenges it brings. The last glimmer of day is gone now. All dark. Time to rest. Time to repair.

Suicide attempt

Today, an ambulance passed me at the traffic lights, lights flashing, and I remembered how we followed the ambulance through every set of lights, down the Stratford Road, past Lipton's Grocery and the fish shop, past The Antelope, down the hill and past The Mermaid, leaving the ABC on our right (where we sometimes queued on a Saturday) then left onto the number 8 route and past the bus terminus. I knew things were bad, they must be bad, us driving through red light after red light, my dad gripping the steering wheel, not speaking, not a word. Through the lights on the Ladypool Road, through the next set on Moseley Road, then the long straight stretch downhill and up again, and into the Accident Hospital. The ambulance already there, and my mother lifted out, tied tight to the stretcher. The boys, white faced, beside her. A long day of waiting. Sun shining. Dust. Fish swimming in a tank. Nobody saying anything. Nobody saying a word. Endless day, and b...

How to be good to yourself every day

This minute, this moment, stop. Just stop. The rest of it is a play, and you are an actor. Tommorow you may get a different part. We get so caught up in the role, we lose sight Of the one who is playing it. So now, this moment, right here and now, Just stop. Suspend the internal review. The audience see the role, not the actor. They'll Go home tonight and barely remember what They saw. But the actor is so in character, he's Forgotten who he really is. Suspend the dialogue. You've learnt the lines So well, they run through your head all night. You don't need to keep rehearsing. You need To STOP rehearsing. Stop trying to get it right. Step out of character. Step one - just stop.

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Oh how I wish that

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