Albatross

Strange girl with your
Silent tears and choking back,
Strange girl with your brave face.
Good actor. Walking through life playing a part.

and the voice inside calls:

“Just you, weirdo, odd one, strange girl with the strange clothes and voice,

Strange girl with no real belonging,

Just you with your words and your music and distance,

Just you with a tear trickling down your face,

and a stone wrapped in cotton wool lodged in your chest”

Foolish child

This is the albatross here to remind you

It sits in your chest, wings outspread

It sits and waits to swallow you if it can catch you unawares

It flaps its wings inside you when you’re alone

Sometimes it feels as if it’s the only thing that holds you together.

And you say:

“I have a THING lodged in my chest. It feels as heavy as a stone made of lead. It’s edges are fuzzy, like cotton wool. When I stop, it is there, just under my collar bone. It sometimes connects with the lump in my throat. It sometimes connects with the sharp pain in my belly, the pain that makes me want to curl up into a small ball. It defies label. It is my albatross”